Mad Hattery!: Royal Ascot 2008, Day Two

Well, after the zaniness of yesterday’s Ascot opener, today was bound to be a bit more subdued on the hattery front. But we did learn one important lesson: there’s a reason that hats are required at the racecourse.

Oops! The Trump isn’t a good look for you, Your Royal Highness…

Ah, so much better. Who knew those top hats had an actual purpose?

Now, as for the other hat in the picture, we’re torn. We like the actual “hat” part of it, but that feather flower is just one of the silliest things we’ve ever seen. And, while we’re being Negative Nellies, can we request that Camilla try something new attire-wise soon? We’ve seen this coat-and-matching-hat look way too much from her lately. We’re starting to suspect that she’s raiding HM’s closet.

The hat itself gets a:

…because the feathers almost look furry, and the brim is definitely extending itself into saucer-territory.

So, how often do you get to type this sentence? “Today, the Queen of England wore purple mesh.”

The Queen looks like my grandma in this picture, but my grandma doesn’t rock a purple tweed coat in June. That’s a winter-wear fabric, and my grandma would tell her so. Plus, I’m just not sure at all about all of this purple. Maybe a nice black hat would have made her look less like the Hamburgler?

Grade:

Another princess totally entered the Mad Hattery Stakes today at Ascot! Beware, Bea and Eugenie — you missed this one day at the races, and the competition is storming the castle:

That’s Princess Haya Bint al-Hussein of Jordan, who (according to a quick wiki search) is the daughter of the late King Hussein I of Jordan and his third wife, Queen Alia. Princess Haya is the second wife of the Sheikh of Dubai. She’s an Olympian show jumper, so she obviously gets the equestrian angle, and she’s got a degree from Oxford, so we know she can find her way around the English countryside. Her horse won the Derby Stakes eleven days ago, and we think she had a horse in the race today, too.

She looks really nice, overall, and we don’t really hate the hat. We are a little unsure about the way that she’s wearing it — doesn’t it sort of look like it’s just hovering on top of her hair? It somehow needs to be stuck further down on top of her head. Maybe she’s got a ton of hair piled under that thing, but still, it needs help somehow. But the hat itself, even with its feathery explosion, gets a:

If Princess Haya needs some help adjusting her hat, we know who she SHOULD NOT ask:

Christ on a cracker, Sophie, what the heck has gotten into you? First the forehead monster, now this? It looks like her eardrum burst and a veritable menagerie of ear parts and flowers and maple leaves and handcuffs came exploding out of it. I mean, yeah, it matches her suit this time, but good lord, that is one seriously ugly and weirdly-placed hat-type-device. (But holy cow, did anyone else spot that blinging rock she’s got on her finger? So that’s what you get when you marry an Earl!) The ugly hat gets a:

More tomorrow. We’ll see if Sophie just decides to give up the ghost and stick random pipe cleaners in her hair next time.